Groovy Grimmas


Andy is being such a man today! He's personally supervising the shovel-bot and Android de-icer, not letting the System for House Inclement Weather (you thought I was going to say Technics, didn't you? Admit it!) do it.

Mind you, since we won Space Lotto (twice) we live on a tropical island on a planet we bought (for cash) and thus he first had to program in the snow. Which he did with his own lovely fingers. The view from our front viewscreen went from this

to this

overnight. Is he a genius, or what?

Where was I? Oh, yes, the shovel-bot and Android de-icer (who sprays suntan lotion on us and our visitors the rest of the time.) Once they've cleared a path so we can go outside if we want to, we shall remain inside and finish baking welshcakes and brewing up my special recipe for mulled space wine and then we'll get out to the Supercharged Handbag SUV and jet over to Jack and Ianto's (Jack's, most likely. He owns the house (with Ianto, but why quibble over technicalities?) Ianto owns the planet. Easier to clean up the house afterwards.) for the annual Grimmas Gathering. I believe Andy has squirreled away several prize bottles of Brains for the occasion.

Oh, there's the warning siren. The mulled space wine has reached optimum proof!
space puppies for Grimmas

T wants you to shop for holiday gear

It's a little late, I know, but I've been in the 53rd century. I can't keep track of your quaint 21st century time!

My sock puppet has a Cafe Press shop with some rather clever Ask!verse designs (courtesy of ask_aboutcoffee and his amazing friends. And the sock puppet has a few of her own in there.) All proceeds go to charity. If you would care to take a peak, you might find something for you or a loved one. Or a liked one.

Have a groovy holiday season!
  • Current Music
    Andy making toast
The Time Vortex

tap tap tap Is this thing on? Hello?

Hi. This is T from the Time Agency. I wasn't going to unsock until I realized how much I wanted to stay friends with a lot of you. So here goes.

Some of you know me as gypsylady. I found out about ask_captainjack and the Askverse from someone on Ravelry because while I am a member of torch_wood I hadn't paid all that much attention. Let's face it, torch_wood can get pretty overwhelming. But I saw right off, once I checked it out, that I wanted to play with whoever was playing at being Captain Jack.

I started out, I think, by claiming to understand how a peninsula can be a ring. Someone spotted a discrepancy in the good Captain's description of Boeshane and he needed backup. So, under gypsylady I claimed to be from another of the "ring peninsulas." And thus was born one of the longest-running silly one-liners of my life. I only lasted about a week under my real name and I decided I needed to have a separate identity to play with this person. Thus was born "Timeagency," who was a former Time Agent, sometimes partnered with Jack and/or with John Hart, and feeling quite proud of the mayhem.

At about this time, ask_aboutcoffee appeared and I worried that I'd stepped into someone else's game. I mean, look, they both have ASK in their names and I don't! When dontask_pcandy appeared at about the same time, I was even more concerned. But the moment "Andy" started to flirt with me (Yurts? WTF was that about yurts? Now, me, personally, I love yurts. But T, a 52nd or so century admin? In a yurt? Oh, that still makes me giggle.) I realized it wasn't THAT kind of a game. So I went for it whole hog.

At one point, Ianto decided I needed a name (because all they could call me was "that Admin from the Time Agency, the one who works for Jabba the Boss.") So I went with the letter T. It was my code name when I worked with Jack and Hart. That's when Jack gave up giving me interesting names. I think he'd used up everything that started with T, especially when he gave Theresa to the dog. (It's my RL middle name, btw. I'm still shaking my head!) Hart never gave up, though. It's why I'm so confident he'll find Bebe someday.

Gradually everyone showed up. From ask_myfanwy to Martha "ask_arealdoctor" Jones, they were all there. (Okay, ask_janet came a little later but she was brilliant nonetheless.) And a friend who sometimes borrowed my computer decided to get in on the fun. She doesn't have a LiveJournal and I'm not going to out her, but she decided to be Jenny the Doctor's Daughter. (This was after askfor_bananas, the 9th Doctor pre-Rose, showed up. I don't know why that inspired her but it did.) This resulted in some very funny errors when I didn't realize she hadn't logged off and I would post T's stuff as her and much scrambling about resulted. (I'm so sorry, dontask_pcandy, that I cussed about Dell computers without explaining. I hope you understand now what that was all about.) But she objected to the underscore as it caused her to screw up too often while logging in, which is why she because askmydad instead of any of the variations that would fit the generally accepted naming conventions.

My friend minxlaurel wanted to join in and she had this clever idea about bringing back Suzie Costello. The trouble is, she couldn't quite get in to log in, much less to post. I therefore became the keeper of thedarkisasking and is why Suzie, while pithy and snarky, didn't do more than just comment in passing. While I have to hand it to Laurel; the idea was brilliant and executed well, I'm not going to be the Hands of Suzie anymore. (The farting Owen comments had me laughing too hard in public anyway.)

It was a glorious time. I have never told anyone why Rhys went down in history as awesome as we fell through the Rift due to Martha's cat Tomb Raider and into an alternate future where Rhys is awesome as the only person in twenty centuries who can operate a CB radio. (I'm still a little worried about Jack meeting himself in this future but I'm sure Ianto can smooth that over like he did having sex with himself from the future.)

My favorite moments other than those already mentioned were:

Constantly having to find new names for Hart (I finally gave up and went with just calling him Hart although some of the more obscure ones I found on were magnificent.)

Naming aliens. is a great tool for that.

Doing the whole great romance space opera thing with Andy. I don't generally like men (in that context. I rather like being friends with many of them) but this was fantastic. If Andy were ever to become the Doctor's Companion and take along a vacationing Time Agent as his girlfriend, it would NEVER be as great as we made it. Andy, wherever and WHOever you are (email me? Please? I won't tell!) you were FANTASTIC and BRILLIANT and I'm sure the 11th Doctor will have another word I can use for you.

Having to kiss up to Jack and still not be allowed anywhere near Cardiff. It took me a long time to figure out a way around that. (Insurance coverage is a lot better at the Agency since he left and full and timely regeneration of destroyed body parts is covered except for eyes which require a trip to the emergency room.)

And something I did that I never got to go anywhere with. I named all the Ring Peninsulas and came up with sandball team names for them all:

1. Boeshane (obviously!) home of the Boe Dukes. (I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.)
2. Doeshane (Hart's home) (The Deers? The Stags? Help me out, people.)
3. Foeshane (Still working on it.)
4. Goeshane (Since I have no idea if Goe is really a word I got nothing.)
5. Hoeshane (Farmers? Although Hoeshane Hookers has some promise.)
6. Joeshane (I think the team name would have to be Plumbers.)
7. Loeshane (The Lindseys? Ooooh, bad, really bad.)
8. Moeshane (my own sweet home although Dad was from Boe. Team is the Curlies)
9. Noeshane (still working on that one)
10. Poeshane (Ravens. Of course.)
11. Roeshane (Sturgeons sounds wrong but it's the best I have.)
12. Toeshane (Jam is just....wrong...)
13. Woeshane (Mourners is the weirdest of them all so far.)
(yes I skipped a few. Even I have my limits!)

I am now working on the tale of how Jack struck out definitively saved the day with a brilliant negative strategy for the Boeshane Dukes. It will be similar to "Casey at the Bat." When I'm done
I'll post it in askverse_fic so hurry over there and join.

It's what Captain Jack would do!

Wow, tough crowd!
The Time Vortex

I went shopping.

There were a few items I was unable to get because, well, they're from a freaking design show competition. And you can't get them in stores. I'm really pissed because I want some of these!

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Mona Lisa Inna Jar

Leaving on a Jetpack -- er -- TARDIS

I'm doing some last minute shopping for appropriate wardrobe and the like for our trip back to the Time Agency for the Doctor's longed-for mindwipe. Andy is probably going to join us (you are, aren't you, dear? Please say yes. It'll be so much fun!) and I want to bring along the makings of some of his favorite foods. (I'm quite sure gravy will not be up to his standards in the 51st century.)

If anyone has any last-minute things to tell Doctor 9.0 before he departs to have his memory of all of you wiped out (so that he can create the right memories in your past) please do it now. Be aware that there are things he still won't let you say to him. I tried to mention Jenny. That went poorly.

We'll be approaching Time Agency space through the Denebola System. Jack, do you want me to pick anything up for you while we're passing through there? Denola Bars are the finest pastries in the galaxy but I'm not sure I can keep them fresh long enough to get them to you while they're still edible. I could find you some of that elegant abrarat skin stationary you used to be so fond of, although I'm sure it's not superior to sheep poop paper.

And, yes, Hart, I'll bring you a pair of socks from each planet we stop it.

Janet, your MS is safely on my jump drive and will be shown to as many literary agents as I can find. Your torture treatise does indeed seem quite extensive and thorough. And well written. Enthralling, even. I'll let you know what comes of it. BTW, I'd appreciate it if Jack's merry band are still alive next time I come to Cardiff. I'm just sayin.... (Especially Gwen. Come on, she even advocated for you. A couple of times. I think.)
The Time Vortex

Writer's Block: Set the Scene

French restaurants.

Jack may remember (Hart won't but that isn't because he wasn't there, it's because he's Hart and you know how he is) Brasserie des Martyrs on the Right Bank. We were there to keep Henri Murger from writing Scènes de la vie de bohème in iambic pentameter. We sat, looking every inch the Paris Bohemians. We even had Hart as the indolent and unconcsious member each party seemed to require. The waiter approached. We ordered.

Jack ordered Pimms. And the waiter EXPLODED! And I don't mean in anger, I mean all over the cafe. He was a cyborg, programed to keep anyone from interfering with Muger for whatever reason. He was programed to accept all sorts of French orders for food and drink. Pimms was outside his programming and it all went downhill from there.

I was picking bits of cyborg French waiter from my hair for months. To this day, the sight of a French waiter unnerves me.

Which, my dear Andy, is why we are NOT going to Garcon, no matter how delightful the menu looks.
The Time Vortex

You'd think being stuck in the TARDIS would get boring but it doesn't

Even when Andy is off doing things with the Doctor, I find ways to amuse myself. This afternoon, for instance, while Andy was off taking care of some personal business in Cardiff and the Doctor was off doing Doctor like things, I found online shopping. Twenty first century online shopping is so different from fifty first century online shopping. There's no "enter your dimensions, color choices, and design elements" and instead I got to choose from items already manufactured. I hadn't expected to find anything that appealed to me but there were a few items I just had to have. (I have only small pictures. Be glad...)

I think I could replace that totally useless belt with an ammo belt and still be in fashion.

Some forward thinking designer has created something that will be a best selling trend in the mid-51st century. Yes, Hart's stylin' in my century.

I just find this one curious.

As I am able to transfer funds from the future (it's complicated but I have control of all the right technology) I am restocking my wardrobe. I shall set a trend. RETRO 21st CENTURY RULES!

Except Galliano. Seriously, we stashed him here to keep him out of trouble and look what good THAT did!

How can no one in the 21st suspect he's alien? Is that the shape of a human female? Or the shape of anything living on this planet in this century?
The Time Vortex

No idea what's going on but it's certainly going on at the top of its vocal capacity

I don't know what the Doctor has done. But at present there is a horde of angry Slitheen after us and wow do they smell bad! I heard the universal sound of a machine powering down when its operator didn't intend for it to. You know the one I mean, the slow winding down and decreasing of the mechanical noise followed by the screams and curses of the more mobile members of the team. And then there was a world of chaos around us.

Andy and I are taking turns digging into the Pack of Holding (it seems to like the name) for random things that it turns out the Doctor needs. Last thing we grabbed was a brick. I didn't ask. We're at present under a back staircase, catching our breaths (I tried to catch Andy's but the Doctor asked us to quit that until we're safely back in the TARDIS.)

I keep trying to remember what the Slitheen are up to; I'm sure it'll be 21st to 22nd century stuff because beyond there the Slitheen won't be able to subvert the tech.